time to feed the monster

Oxycodone is an analgesic medication synthesized from poppy-derived thebaine that can be highly addictive. in other words, its the monster controlling my life.
Roxys can give you the most euphoric and elated high of your life. But with substance abuse, a tolerance will inevitably develop. So what happens when you cant get high anymore? Then your just an addict without the high. That day hasnt come yet, and i hope it never does. Thats when you hit rock bottom, the lowest you can be.

The morning starts with a pill and i end my day having consumed a couple more. Despite my endevours to stay high, this shit isnt something i like broadcasting throughout Tulsa. Dawn found them in my drawer once while she was rumidging through my stuff to find my jack daniels. She lost it, and flushed them down the toilet. we fought for hours that night. After a few holes punched into the wall and the screaming and arguing died down, Dawn began to cry, a rarity for her, and her glossy desperate eyes looked into mine. "Your ganna turn out like him." she whispered. and i instantly felt a stabbing feeling in my stomach. maybe it was my body trying to give me a wake up call. or maybe i just needed another pill. who knows, I dont know what my body wants anymore.But then the stabbing turned into a vicious nausia, i got up and went straight for the bathroom. Another, not so euphoric effect from roxys is the nausia. Its brutal. and i find myself in the bathroom puking my brains out these days more then i'd like to be. After my body finally finished disposing of everything i ate that day, i leaned against the wall in the bathroom and leaned my forehead against my hand.

Travis was my best friend through our child hood and up until he died. After a violent fight he got into with a couple of guys, he was stabbed in the back multiple times. Miraculously, Travis pulled through, but was left with enough back pains to keep you bed ridden for days at a time. He told me he couldnt take it anymore, and dying wouldnt have been much of a step up from the way he was suffering. and i told him i had something that could help. I didnt want to give him the pills, but he was desperate to stop the suffering and i was desperate to help my friend. Travis said after taking the pills the pain was virtually gone. Everything went back to normal until Travis got hooked. Hooked worse then me or anyone ive ever met. I tried to stop him, but the addiction ran his life and cosumed him fully. Travis over dosed 3 months later. Living with myself is still something i have trouble swallowing.

I sat in the hospital bed with Audrey sleeping on my chest. In most cases, Its hard to get audrey to even sit on my lap, let alone lay on me. She is by far the most stubborn girl i have ever met in my whole fucking life. But sometimes my persistance will over ride her hard headedness. She doesnt seem to get it. How much of a hold she has on me. whats strange is me and Audrey are polar oppsites and always have been. She loves the beach, I hate seein fat guys in speedos. I love war movies, she says the explosions are redicuously over dramatic. and how am i attracted to her? Because theres so much to know about her, and i learn from her everyday.
My boredum was getting a little much and Audrey had been asleep for 2 hours. I moved my arm up from her lower back to her upper shoulder. I took her bra strap, pulled it, and it snapped into her shoulder blade. I smirked. "hey sleepy." Audrey slapped me in the arm. "im ganna punch you." she mumbled, and burried her face in my chest trying to fall back asleep. "not so fast, we have shit to do."  As much as i love having her sleep on me, I was fiending somethin fierce. "like what?" she said looking up at me. Her eyes were the deepest grey blue, like the atlantic, i could never get used to them. They still shocked me with every glance she gave me. "like getting your ass some food." I said as i brushed her hair out of her face. " Hunter Miles Cade, are you implying that you want to take me out on a date?" She said jokingly with a smirk. "No, im just starving" I said. Audrey rolled her eyes and smiled. We got up from the hospital bed and Audrey started getting her stuff together. "Im ganna run to the bathroom real quick." Audrey nodded and i walked down the hallway to the bathroom. I went in my pocket and took out a pill. I looked at it for a minute. I could never look Audrey in the eyes and tell her about my problem with these things. I popped it into my mouth and scooped some water from the sink to wash it down with. It kicked in almost instantly and I closed my eyes and sighed. Finally. the tenseness was gone and I started feeling normal again. Audrey is something I would never be able to loose. I cant function without her. She helps me with my laundry, She helps me clean my room when it looks like a tornado ran through it, shes always there to talk, and always there to listen. I would do anything for that girl, and i need her in my life. Hurting her is something I cant do, and thats why I keep things from her.